Should I See a Spiritual Director? 4 Thoughts That Point Us Towards Spiritual Direction
In 2014, I found myself asking some troubling questions. Questions about faith, God, and spirituality. They were questions that I couldn’t handle on my own, and questions that I couldn’t ask just anyone. After 18 years of working in churches, helping other people find their way to God and live out their faith, it appears I had hit a wall and needed to do some uncomfortable work. At the recommendation of a good friend, I sought out a spiritual director. After a few sessions I gained new language and new questions that helped me move into the next stage of my spiritual journey. I had a new sense of what God was up to and how I could step into new invitations from God’s Spirit every day. It isn’t an exaggeration to say the health of my soul took a huge step forward as a result of seeing a spiritual director. In turn, I then decided to “pay forward” the gift my director had given me by becoming a spiritual director myself. Since then, my work as a spiritual director allows me to walk with people who had the same or similar questions as I did back in 2014. The truth is we are all evolving spiritual beings, and just like our relationships with friends or with our spouse changes over the years, so does our relationship with God. We need someone to walk with us as the changes come, creating space for the spiritual questions and heartaches that come when we leave warm and comfortable things behind for the new and unknown places where we need to go. Spiritual direction is a relationship where a spiritual director creates a non-anxious, unhurried space for the purpose of listening to where God is active in the context of everyday life. Sessions usually last about an hour and are filled with spaces for silence, prayer, and open ended questions as both the director and directee listen and notice where God is active in the events of our life. But how do we know when we need to see a spiritual director? What questions and conversations are best explored with a spiritual director and not a counselor or therapist? Here are four “thoughts” to look for as indicators that one should see a spiritual director.
- “My relationship with God has changed.”
When we have a long-standing faith commitment, the things that once represented a connection between us and God can change. Sometimes they change without warning. The places where we see this change is often in personal spiritual practices. Prayer starts to feel dry, ineffective, or useless. Reading Scripture, devotional books, and participating in study groups no longer provide the “boost” they gave us in the past. We begin to wonder, “Is it my fault? Am I broken or sinful?” A spiritual director is incredibly helpful here because they can lead us to find new connection points. Spiritual directors help us ask critical questions about why our connection with God has grown quiet and cold. Directors present us the opportunity then to explore the questions about what practices and connections are best suited for the next stage of our spiritual journey.
- “I don’t think I believe what I used to believe about God.“
The beginning of our faith journey is about construction – building the knowledge, practices, and understanding that helps us make sense of God, self, and others. Like any relationship, the things we learn as we grow have an impact on what we believe. Newly married couples often believe that their spouse can provide all of their needs. Time and experience help us learn to lean not only on our spouse but also on trusted friends for emotional and spiritual support. In the journey of faith, sometimes the beliefs that we used to build our foundation fall apart as we begin the process of deconstruction. While this process often feels like “losing” our faith, it is actually a natural evolution that happens in all relationships. We learn to lean into new metaphors, images, and thoughts as we relate to God, self, and others. A spiritual director creates a space where we have permission to tear down and rebuild our belief system. Spiritual directors help us discover which pieces we keep, which we update or renovate, and which pieces simply cannot go with us into the future. Directors, in other words, help us move into the work of reconstruction.
- “I am facing a decision and need to seek out wisdom from God and others.”
When we come to a crossroad in our life, whether in work or faith, sometimes paralysis sets in. Like the wisdom of the Bible says, we are invited to “Stand at the crossroads and look, and ask for the ancient paths…” (Jeremiah 6:16b) The term “ancient paths” is pretty broad – it could be the wisdom of someone 20 years older than us, or the wisdom of ancient scripts from hundreds of years before we were born. In any case, critical decisions push us to find someone who can help us see outside of our limitations. In other words, we are so deeply involved in our lives we often fail to see what’s really going on. In the case of our faith journey, we also need people who can help us discern where God is active and how our decision affects life with God, self, and others. Spiritual directors provide one of the best tools for discernment and decision-making – lots and lots of questions! In the process of spiritual direction, we entertain the questions of what God is up to and how we respond to the various invitations we’ve been given.
- “I can’t see a connection between my faith and the current situation I’m facing in life.”
How many times have you, sitting at your table drinking coffee, thought “What in the world is happening here?” Situations such as the COVID-19 pandemic, personal relationship conflicts, or even times of wrestling with our own inner “demons” bring us to a point of complete cluelessness. More than that, we struggle to find a connection between the clueless moments and our faith. The ability to make connections between things that seem so disconnected from the spiritual life is critical for our growth and development. A spiritual director reflects on the situations in our lives and points out the “thread” that runs through everything. In a recent direction session, I pointed out to a directee how the three events they talked about had a common theme. It was wonderful to see the look on their face as they began to piece together the reality they were living in. Spiritual direction helps us “put the pieces together” in our life with God, self, and others. Of course there are more questions or thoughts that prompt us to seek out spiritual direction. Hopefully these few thoughts are a helpful starting point for us as we try to decide, “Should I seek out a director?” The journey of faith is long, winding, and beautiful – perhaps it is time for us to find a helpful guide? *To take your next step in exploring if Spiritual Direction is right for you, schedule a free 10 minute consolation with our office. CLICK HERE to schedule.