Finding A Gift In Our Restlessness by Casey Tygrett

On a single day, in fact within a half-hour, I stepped into uncertain territory. A blustery late January day and a trip to the optometrist are in no way my favorite things. However, it was time for a new prescription and perhaps some new glasses. While I enjoy eye doctors as human beings, I am never excited for the tests and light reading required by a visit to their office. During my visit, the doctor asked me to submit to an ultrasound of my eye. Why not? I thought. One more thing in my eye today. As we reviewed the pictures from the ultrasound, the doctor asked, “Do you see the discolored places on your eye?”I did. “Those are holes in your retina,” she said quietly. “That doesn’t sound good,” I replied.“It isn’t,” she said. The next few minutes were filled with advice, explanations, and next steps related to tending to my damaged retinas. I paid attention, but only because I knew I would need that information later. My mind was settled on the fact that 25 minutes before this visit, everything was fine. Now, I could not go back to the 25 minutes before the visit. I also couldn’t move quickly forward, beyond the need for tests and possible surgery in the future. I was stuck in the present tense. We all have had this experience, albeit in different situations.We said what we were thinking before we thought about what we were saying. Then, there were consequences that we didn’t intend from words we could not take back. The job site we entered for the first time on a Monday becomes the job site we leave for the final time on a Friday. We can’t get that job back but how do we pay the bills? Our family used to be so tight; so close. Now we have moved into a new state of “being family” and there’s no sign of when the awkwardness or tension will end. The word that best describes this feeling is restlessness. Restlessness is the irritated, unsettled feeling of being stuck in the present tense moment. When we feel restless, we respond in any number of ways. We try to fight the restlessness, thinking that by sheer will and effort we can make it go away. Perhaps we flee the restlessness – trying to make our unsettled feelings go away by self-medication or other means of distraction. Other times we just flop, believing that the restlessness has won and we give up in the face of it. Over a lifetime of dealing with restless situations, I’ve used all of the tactics above only to find that none of them truly relieved my irritated and unsettled state. So what do we do? I believe that what we often miss is that there is a gift in our restless times of life. When we’re stuck in the present tense, we have a tremendous opportunity to connect with something deeper within ourselves. In the Christian scriptures there is a story about the life of Jesus that captures this gift quite well. At a critical point in Jesus’ life, he is led into a place called “the wilderness.” The wilderness is a place where all the comforts and usual responses to life are taken away and all a person has is what is within them. Throughout the Bible, this place is a place where people go and figure out something about themselves, about God, and about life with other people. Jesus is no exception. I think this idea of wilderness perfectly sums up what restlessness feels like. It is a place where we feel frozen, stuck, and incapable of our typical ways of coping with life. Wilderness places are typically moments when we turn to counselors, therapists, and spiritual directors. The reason is that we don’t know what to do next when we are confronted with a wilderness in our life. The place between the last job and the next job, the relationship and life after the relationship, and especially the place between a faith that brought us here but can’t take us there. Wilderness is a great name for the restless place between where we were and a place we cannot possibly understand. What happens in Jesus’ wilderness story is powerful because it isn’t like our response to restlessness. After being tempted to fight, flee, or flop, Jesus chooses to stay in the wilderness. Instead of trying to escape or giving up, Jesus stays in the restless place. I believe this is also an invitation: we all can find a way, with the help of trusted counselors and friends to stay in the restless place and let it teach us who we are. In one account of Jesus in the wilderness, it says he remained between “wild beasts” and the “angels.” That sounds right, doesn’t it? Between a healthy eyeball and a damaged one needing attention, between the fear that we’ll never be okay again and the hope that the future is better than we could ever imagine – that’s a restless place. If we walk into times of restlessness where we don’t know if we’ll have enough, if we belong anywhere in particular, where we don’t know if our relationships or world can be mended, we can learn to stay there. Those moments can be both great teachers and great trainers, making us the people we were designed to be. After my trip to the eye doctor, I would see a specialist and eventually have a laser procedure done to repair my retina. As a Star Wars fan growing up, I expected the “laser procedure” to be far cooler (and less painful) than it was. I spent a month recovering during which we received nearly 12 inches of snow in one day, and I could do nothing about it due to my recovery restrictions. I had to sit in that moment between surgery and recovery and learn about my own pride. I learned that when I couldn’t help shovel snow or clear the roof I felt useless and less than human. The restlessness taught me that even as a lump on the couch I still had value. I still had hope. There were “angels” of life yet to come. I am not sure what restlessness you carry today, but I can tell you this:Your restlessness is not going anywhere by force, fleeing, or giving in.This restlessness can teach you, if you learn to sit with it and listen to what it has to say.And finally: the wilderness does not last forever. There are trained professionals hoping to walk you through the desolate, unsettled places of life into a different kind of world. The question is whether or not you and I can see that restlessness is in fact a gift and begin to unwrap it slowly, starting right now.  Casey Tygrett is an author, a pastor, and a spiritual director. He oversees a team of spiritual directors for Soul Care (www.soulcare.com), a group that provides resources for soul health for leaders across various organizations. Casey is also a part of the staff at Parkview Christian Church (Orland Park, IL) Casey, his wife Holley, and their daughter Bailey live in Oak Forest, IL This post includes material from his upcoming book, The Gift of Restlessness: A Spirituality For Unsettled Seasons. You can find information on ordering the book here (www.caseytygrett.com/restlessness)